It went okay. I messed up one line and it was a good lesson for me. I practiced really hard this week and didn't receive a lot of notes in rehearsal. I think I was carrying some ego into the performance in that regard. I think I felt like I was the best performer because I wasn't getting a lot of adjustments. Sooooo, when I messed up one of my lines -- and it was a line of rhyming poetry (duh, there's no covering that…when something is supposed to rhyme and it doesn't!) -- I started beating myself up and feeling shame. It was only the second scene -- I messed up already? I still had most of the show to get through!
When I left the stage I felt deflated and thought, "Well, it's all downhill from here. I was the first to mess up. Maybe the only mess up -- me, the golden child who didn't get a bunch of notes yesterday. I'm really disappointed in myself."
This time, I felt…clean. I felt like I could accept the compliments even though I had carried ego into the show and had messed up a poignant moment in the poetry. You know, it's true that it sucked for me that I didn't give a perfect show…but you know what? I gave a totally present show. I was able to deal with my internal issues after my disappointment and move on so that it didn't affect the rest of my experience. That was really, really valuable for me.
I'm not a perfect person. It's exhausting to try to "keep up appearances" anyway. So, here's the Holidailies for December 8, the day after the concert. There is no entry for December 7. :o)