The Myth of Control

Tonight, I was working one on one with the text coach at rehearsal. She complimented my work and I immediately mentioned that I wished I had just a few more days with the poems that I am performing tomorrow night. "I'm used to working with Shakespeare ensembles, where you are expected to know your text backwards and forwards," I commented, perhaps nervously making excuses for myself - even though, if pressed to admit it, I was fairly happy with the work we were doing at that moment. I had no need to make excuses.

My coach jumped in and said something really wise: "Well, yes - it's wonderful to aim for that level of familiarity…but don't let that make you feel like you have all the control. You never have ALL the control. So let's just give up that myth right now."

Brilliant. And true, you know? Even if I know a piece of text like the back of my hand, I can't control tech elements or my scene partners or my audience. Anything can happen, regardless of how much I rehearse something on my own. So, yes, I get that -- use my discipline and study my role to the best of my ability, but don't cling to all those hours of preparation as if they are some magical talisman that will make everything ok.  I can't ever have complete control. 

Truly - I have something bigger to remember tomorrow night. The sound tech is juggling a lot of tasks for the show, so he's asked me to remember to mute my own mic when I'm not on stage. 

Do you know how hard it is to remember to mute and unmute your own body mic? And also remember not to chatter unnecessarily in case you forget….? True, he'll cover me by turning the down the sound that comes through the house speakers, so the audience won't hear me when I'm off-stage; But there are 4 cast members and some booth personnel that can still hear me in their ear pieces if I don't mute myself -- eek! Pray that I remember to switch myself on and off at all the appropriate times tomorrow night!